Shaky Start

Last weekend was tipping seriously toward me being very unhappy with my riding progress again. I probably focussed on more negative things than I should have but I am admittedly, a perfectionist. Today, I had the choice of any horse I'd normally ride except Shadow. He's sadly still lame. So I chose to ride Magic. The ride overall was not my best but I think I've discovered my problem. I've been feeling really low on energy since my operation and then the lack of eating properly so that coupled with a variety of things has made me just not very energetic. This morning started off feeling too much like last weekend in the saddle. The horse was following the girl who walked with us today which didn't help me much and my first trot was abysmal. I was being reminded of things I should know so well. The second trot was better and she was more collected but lacked some speed. Some of my issues on this lovely girl is I'm a little afraid to put too much pressure on for trot as it was windy today and I didn't fancy her taking off into canter like she did on my last windy ride with her. So I lacked some zest which emulated in her, quite understandably. I truly believe I've had a confidence knock so bossy me tomorrow is coming back with a vengeance. Our third trot was great and I kept her going. The attempt at canter was rubbish and I know this is a total self fulfilling prophesy thing. I know she hasn't cantered on the back lane for me ever, so in my head, I give her nothing because I expect nothing. After a lecture from my RI, I did it again and got a nice canter out of her. I was more in my seat but not as seamless as I would like yet. But definitely getting there considering how tense I was by the end. I'm getting tense because I'm getting annoyed with myself. I'll definitely be working harder tomorrow with much more confidence and energy. We did have a moment when we got back to the yard and waiting to dismount, A piece of plastic flew, scaring Topaz who Magic saw getting worked up so then she started dancing around so a quick dismount from me. Phew, that could have ended badly. After the ride, I asked if I could go and see Shadow. I miss him so much. I was allowed to and then asked to brush him. So I got to spend a whole 45 minutes just chilling with Shadow in his stable, giving him some TLC and lots of grooming. If anyone follows me on twitter, I did an audio boo of it. Thanks for reading guys, Marie