One Step Forward and Three steps back

I was determined today would be the day I cantered with a good seat on the lovely Welsh section D if I was able to ride her. When I arrived at the yard though, I was asked why there wasn't a brush in my hand to brush a pony. I got one and headed toward Harry and gave him a good brush. His mane was totally out of control and he looked like he had had a rough night on the town. I attempted to tame it but alas, it was not for taming so Harry had a bad hair day. I had hoped to ride Shadow also today as I was doing two rides but he became lame again yesterday. So I asked if I could ride Magic and I could. She wasn't as fast today but she apparently has lost a shoe. I don't know if she had lost it yesterday or not but she was walking fine and we cantered on the field pretty good. I was amazed how well I stayed in my seat. A fellow horse rider had suggested I open my knees slightly during cantering on her as she'd felt it helped in her riding of this particular breed. I tried that today and it really worked so thanks Debz. :) When we trotted she wasn't as smooth as she kept dipping slightly on the foot with no shoe. But managed to keep her in rhythm and she did fantastically. I was pleased how well this ride had gone. My aim to canter her and have a good seat really came together today. I wished I'd had her second today. I chose to ride Topaz second and this did not start off so badly. I'm probably actually making more of a thing about this than altogether necessary. He was slightly ploddy on his trots. Nothing like he was last week so my RI said she wanted him more forward. I got that with him. Sadly, cantering was just not happening. He was ploddy because I wasn't giving him enough spark. My legs were non existent, according to my RI after the ride I was tense and not relaxed. I was pulling back on his reins and all the things I should have left behind a long time ago. You cannot believe the level of frustration I felt after this ride today. All I thought I'd got past has come back to haunt me. Even my RI gave me a slight talking to after the ride and said that I should stop worrying about it and relax. I've been riding horses, I.E., the Welsh Section D who need much less from me to get them going and with all this tension I'm not even going to get a slight anything. I guess it's true what they say, never get complacent. I'm just so annoyed that a horse I've ridden five times, and has a slightly bouncier canter than most I ride is getting a better performance out of me than a horse I've ridden more. It isn't like i've not ridden Topaz in a while, I rode him last week. True, he was better behaved today it was just me having the terrible time of it. Poor pony! I'm starting to wonder what I'm doing here? Seriously don't think I'll ever get past this point. Thanks for reading guys, Marie